When Your Car Crash Comes, Don’t Be Misled

Convince yourself that everything’s alright. ‘Cause it already is.

Well, since I can’t sleep, might as well jot down some thoughts here. It’s been awhile since I’ve written an “unplugged” entry.

Truthfully, I’ve been avoiding this as much as humanly possible.

COVID-19. Coronavirus. The pandemic. Self-Isolation. Social Distancing. Curbside Delivery. Task Force Press Conferences.

All these keywords and phrases are plastered on every headline, video, hashtag, petition, and opinion piece for the past month. It’s everywhere. Heck, Medium has dedicated an entire category of content to the damn topic. It’s relatively easy to stick your head in the sand when you’re home alone. My roommate hightailed it out of Minneapolis when he had the opportunity. Taking refuge in Cedar Rapids, working greatly reduced hours from home, I only see him through weekly Zoom meetings. Being the only one in my apartment, there’s no one to strike up a conversation, let alone share updates on the pandemic. And honestly, I’m not too bothered by that.

I’ve gotten more writing done in the past two weeks than in the last three months. I’m reading more of the deluge of library books I checked out before the stay-at-home ordinance. When I’m not finishing a book or writing potential entries, I keep busy with cleaning and reciting Shakespeare monologues. Yeah, that’s a thing I’m doing now. And, God help me, I’m on the fourteenth season of South Park. Yes, Max, you heard me. It’s everything I expected it to be. Raunchy, crass, unabashed, and hilarious all at once. I’m slightly bummed I hadn’t indulged in the series in my adolescent years.

Even with the golden opportunities set before me, to read, write, cook, clean, actually take time to hear myself breathe, I still find myself on edge. Grocery shopping and pick up orders have me teetering on my nerves, wondering if people aren’t as compassionate or empathetic as I hope they are. I sense distrust as I walk down the aisles and feel a nasty spike of nausea when I pass any barren shelves, knowing what should be there. I’m more conscientious about my distance when I jog in the morning. I can’t remember the last time I made eye contact with someone let alone hugged them. I…