A poem inspired by an embarrassing memory.

Image for post
Image for post

My fingers, propped by my elbows

splay themselves across my oily face

like awkward fleshy spiders.

They seek solace in my raven black hair

and dishevel the curly forest.

My head sinks into the sheen bar counter

the slick mahogany cooling

my ruddy cheeks.

My shirt collar soaks up blotches of previous pints,

IPAs, lagers, fruit hops,

the nauseating smear of pizza grease

slathered on my forehead.

I’ve now marked myself.

i am lovestruck i am sexy i am lovable i am extraordinary no i am hopeless

My mouth runs dry

at the mundane touch of your hand,

your smile, your baritone laughter

sailing over the pleasant hum of the pub,

and especially

your sapphire blue stare

boring an aching, gaping wound in my heart

Another ugly fissure

Another useless mouth

unhinged, unfiltered

I close the sun and moon into my eyes

grinning into the void,

but I keep opening them,

hoping for another one of your piercing stares.

And I hear my shrill chuckle,

flash my stained teeth,

playing the role of a sane patron

loathing the script of

“Hellos”, “Goodbyes”, and “How’s your girlfriend?”

that damn shrew.

and i grow more unhinged

like my torn aortic cavity

wanting the damn words to slip

from my sticky lips

“May I please kiss you?”

Then silence

Then horror

Then shame

Apology, my impression

of a ripe tomato

Then a surreal blend

of tragically rich colors

brown, red, maroon, teal,

charcoal, cerulean

Melting onto the woodsy bar counter

It now hurts to look at you.

I need to turn away.

Born and raised in CA. Film, literature, music, poetry, mostly gay/queer/GSM topics. Stick around if I haven’t bored you yet.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store