A Drunk Confession
A poem inspired by an embarrassing memory.

My fingers, propped by my elbows
splay themselves across my oily face
like awkward fleshy spiders.
They seek solace in my raven black hair
and dishevel the curly forest.
My head sinks into the sheen bar counter
the slick mahogany cooling
my ruddy cheeks.
My shirt collar soaks up blotches of previous pints,
IPAs, lagers, fruit hops,
the nauseating smear of pizza grease
slathered on my forehead.
I’ve now marked myself.
i am lovestruck i am sexy i am lovable i am extraordinary no i am hopeless
My mouth runs dry
at the mundane touch of your hand,
your smile, your baritone laughter
sailing over the pleasant hum of the pub,
and especially
your sapphire blue stare
boring an aching, gaping wound in my heart
Another ugly fissure
Another useless mouth
unhinged, unfiltered
I close the sun and moon into my eyes
grinning into the void,
but I keep opening them,
hoping for another one of your piercing stares.
And I hear my shrill chuckle,
flash my stained teeth,
playing the role of a sane patron
loathing the script of
“Hellos”, “Goodbyes”, and “How’s your girlfriend?”
that damn shrew.
and i grow more unhinged
like my torn aortic cavity
wanting the damn words to slip
from my sticky lips
“May I please kiss you?”
Then silence
Then horror
Then shame
Apology, my impression
of a ripe tomato
Then a surreal blend
of tragically rich colors
brown, red, maroon, teal,
charcoal, cerulean
Melting onto the woodsy bar counter
It now hurts to look at you.
I need to turn away.